Kids Say the Darndest

Over the course of my four months of substitute teaching, the various age groups I have taught have definitely given me stories to come home with.  I have learned that these children, as wonderful as they, can come up with some of the greatest statements, most mischievous ideas, and craziest excuses.  I’m sure that have been more I reiterate, however, I did want to share a few things that have gone on since I’ve started teaching. 

            - A kid I knew personally previously to my student teaching, struggled with having to call me Ms. Hall when I was at his school.  On that note, any student who knows me beforehand to when I teach, it can be quite the curveball.  One day, after school, he came up to me and said, “Great!  School’s done.  Now I can call you Laura.”  With that, my cooperating teacher stated, very firmly, “Not on school grounds.  Everywhere else you may call her by her first name.  But here, you must absolutely call her Ms. Hall.”  Yikes…needless to say, at a friends’ Super Bowl game, he stated, “Hi, Laura! You don’t know how relieved I am to call you that.”

-Conversation with a third grader: 

“I was looking in my dictionary, and I saw the word ‘ass’, and its definition isn’t…isn’t…”

            “Is the definition a donkey?”

            “Yeah.  It’s not the stupidity kind.”

            -“Your breath smells like flowers.”  Alrighty then.  Definitely not expecting that since I had eaten a ham sandwich for lunch.

            -While kids were finishing up a quiz one morning, a girl raised her hand to give a hand-written note to a friend.  It was so cute!  Firstly, as a teacher, she asked to give this note (and when I told her to wait, she was willing to oblige-very thoughtful and precious).  But it wasn’t a text!  Seriously, those who were born in the mid-90s don’t understand how special this was.  In a day where everything seems to be done by computers – where everything is done through the fast lane and “get it quick” - it was so heart-warming to see a child take the effort, time, but mostly thought to pencil out a note to express something toward a friend.    

            -Talking about scavenger hunting and using GPS systems, I asked my students kids where they would hide some things, responses included:

“Putting it a log full of bugs, because I know no one would go after it.”

“Tying it up with a rock and throwing it over the ocean somewhere.”

“Throw it in the toilet.”

“Lock it up in a safety deposit box, and swallow the key.”

“Cut a hole in the tree and then stick the hidden thing on it, and then put the top of the tree back on.”

“Insert it inside the GPS device, so they would keep getting lost.”

            Cruel.  Just some plain cruel ideas.  The way these kids plan, I seriously would hate to be caught in a scavenger hunt with them.

            -Was talking about the nation of Israel in a Social Studies class, I asked, “Why did other nations attack Israel?”  A student piped, “Because they are rude and selfish, like the government!”

            -The many times I have been asked personal questions, regarding music, or books, sports, or even my martial status.  These questions usually don’t bother me; in fact, I like to get to know some of the kids I sub (especially if I become a regular sub at the school).  I am willing to let the last few minutes be a time to chat, as long as they have been working well throughout the period.  However, I never understand what the question, “Are you married,”  has to do with Social Studies or Science or Math.

           -A class was taking a geography quiz when a student pipes up his hand: "Um...Miss Hall, why is the N-word on the test?"
             "Oh...that word is pronounced NI-GEER.[Niger]"  Glad to know that the kid was wise enough to ask about it.

            -The many times I have done recess duty, and seen small elementary kids not wear a coat in the middle of winter.  Now, I know what my mother was talking about when she said, “I get cold, just looking at you.”  

            -After I confiscated a cell phone from a student for checking it, he replied, “But I have 13 texts!”  Yeah, and I’m sure they will still be there when you get your cell phone back at the end of the period.  

            -Of course the awkward look of some kids who know me personally, as if to say, “You work here?!”  

            This really is only a sample of the wonderful life that comes through the classroom.  And I can’t wait for many more.