This week, I was a
math teacher. Most of my kids I had
gotten along with. I was able to joke with them, ask how they were doing, and
overall, they were very respectful. We
were able to have fun. However, there
was one student who I had trouble with the entire time. He wouldn’t work, would often get distracted,
and if he wasn’t just sitting, or writing down random answers, he would talk to
his classmates who were trying to do their work.
Every teacher deals with students
that become distracted. For any person,
it’s easy to get distracted, because after 20 minutes or so of individual work,
it would be nice to be allowed to chat with a neighbor. Often, I am able to redirect the
students, and they can quickly get back to work. But not this student (who we will call Jimmy
for clarification sake). Any time I
tried to talk to him, he just would zone out.
Even one of the days, he just told me that he doesn’t care. That he doesn’t care about anything at
all. Which, I know for a fact is a lie, because
everyone cares about something. In fact,
a while back when I subbed for another teacher at the same school, he told me a
couple of the things he was interested in.
However, this entire week there was a wall.
And as much as I wanted to, it seemed like I couldn’t breach it. He didn’t care about the school work; he didn’t
care about persevering just for the sake of getting it done. And even though I had to send him to the
principal twice this week, I doubt that sending him actually made a dent in his
understanding of why he should have been doing his work.
Honestly, he could care less,
because to him, school isn’t important.
I get it. Not all students are nerds like I was in
school. As a teacher, I not only forage
new knowledge, but I must be aware of my students’ interests and nourish the
things that make them come alive. And as
hard as it is to admit, not every kid is going to get excited about the subject
I teach. Heck, I hated math growing
up. But I was willing to do the work
that they asked me, because I trusted that what they were teaching me was
something important to learn.
Perhaps, I actually don’t understand
as much as I think I do. When I
picture myself teaching, I imagine myself being able to get along with all my
students. I can get them excited about
what I’m teaching, and if they are having a crappy day, then I am able to
encourage them to press on. Yes, I am an
optimistic, hopeful teacher who seeks to inspire. I want to be like Mr. Holland and his Opus, who drew
kids out of their shell; to be like Coach Boone who pushed kids to go beyond
their limits and walls to achieve something greater; like Erin Gruwell who
taught kids they have more say than what time or voice had previously given
them. Yes, I seek to inspire.
So, to see a student who not only
gets distracted, completely disregards his work, but just completely disengages
with school entirely is disheartening.
Even the other teachers I worked with were struggling to reach him. I don’t take it personally. I know that his actions weren’t about a
secret hatred for substitutes. He just
plainly doesn’t like school. So his
actions do not necessarily affect me.
What bothers me, is that he was so disinterested, and I couldn’t
encourage him well enough to do the work, for the sake of doing the work. Worse, having had to send to the principal
twice this week makes me feel like I just gave up on him.
Sending a student to the principal
doesn’t bother me in the least. If he or
she is distracting me from teaching effectively and other students from learning, then they
need to be removed. Often this
works. A student will shape up, and by
the next day, he or she is great. But I
could tell that by sending Jimmy to the principal, although it helps me to be
able to concentrate on other students who are trying to work, it still didn’t
help him. At one point, he was talking;
but the first time I sent him, it was because he wasn’t doing his work at
all. So, did I just punish him for being
disinterested? And if that is the
message I sent, then what does he learn?
Does he learn that teachers just
get tired of him; that we are willing to give up on him?
That is exactly what I feel
like. I feel like I might have given up
too easy on Jimmy. Only saw that he wasn’t
paying attention, and since I couldn’t encourage him, I sent him to a place
where he would just be in trouble. I
tried to show that I cared about him, and not just what he would accomplish in
his class. I tried to complement him on
his shirt and hat. But I feel like I still
let Jimmy fall through the cracks. I’m
sure teachers will empathize with me.
What more could I do? As I heard one say, “All you can do is just
lead them to the water, but you can’t make them drink.” After a while, a teacher can’t just baby the
student that is not focusing in class.
As a teacher, I still need to teach 20 other students. It’s comforting…but only a little. Because all this week, I was hoping for
breakthrough, but even to Friday, that wall was still there. I didn’t reach him.
I wish I could do something more,
but today was my last day subbing for this particular gig. I won’t see Jimmy Monday. I can’t tell him that I still believe in him,
and that he is fully able. I can tell
that he is a good friend; I noticed it while he would hang out in the
halls. I can also tell that he is very
clever. I can
imagine Jimmy being a young man who knows how to bring people together. “You is smart; you is kind; you is good” (can you tell that I just
finished reading The Help?) That is what I see. And if only, if only, if only I could just
tell him that face to face.
But all I wonder if he is left with
the mentality that he believes that he might too much to handle. But what else could I have done? I know that I am human, and I shouldn’t be
too hard on myself. (After all, this is
my first year subbing.)
Still,
I am left with more questions than answers.
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