Successes of a First-Year Teacher

When doors close, people often reflect and wonder if they did the best job they could with what had been given them in the time-being.  I will no longer be teaching at the school I had been this last school year, and I wonder if I had done the best I could with my students.  I reread portions of previous blog notes I have written, and there seems to be a certain theme that I wrote about: falling short.  It was a focus on the negative, and feeling like I failed my kids, and wondering if I could get back on the top.  As important as reflection is, too much emphasis on the negative is quite depressing, to be honest. 

Want the truth?  I am tired of looking at my failures.  No, I wasn’t perfect.  And being human, I will still make mistakes.  But how much critiques do I have to admit before I become tired, and finally realize the good I had been able to make as a first year teacher?  Just because I am new to this whole teaching thing, doesn’t mean that I was this horrifying, crap of a teacher.  So, this entry is going to be different.  I am finally reflecting on the good things – both the memories, the methods and lessons I learned from my first year as a full-time teacher.  These are listed in no particular order, but I would like to keep them all in mind for the future.  After all, teachers are still learning too.

#1.) Humility to learn a new culture.  Moving to a completely different place, I had to learn about a different culture.  Easier said than done.  There were a lot of moments where understanding of certain phrases or customs of my community came through trial by fire. For example, I used the term “red” talking about Native Americans (remember, I live on a reservation).  Or there was the time that in response to a student saying that she wanted homework, I told her that she was being a “brown-noser”. Big whoops.  I suddenly turned red myself, and apologized.  It never occurred to me that these comments could be taken as racist in any fashion (I certainly didn’t speak them in such a manner).  Gracious my students were, and they could see that I meant no harm. 

Throughout the year, there were other moments in which I asked the students more about the culture of where I taught, and learned more about the Native American tribe.  Such as, not all male Indians wear their hair long, and braids (though still some do).  They eat fry-bread, but not at every meal.  They continue to persevere in their culture, teaching their children the old traditional stories, and some of the elders in the community speak the native tongue of the tribe. They still do ride in Indian relays, there are still pow-wows and ceremonies that have continued through time. The stereotypes that I grew up with were not necessarily true.  And living here, it is such a wonderful experience to see the myths being debunked.  There is a vibrant people with a vibrant culture, and teaching one year is only scratching the surface.

#2).  Learned to laugh at myself.  Try speaking another language in front of the people who are teaching you, and if you don’t have a sense of humor, I am sorry.  As someone who came from the outside, when trying to learn about the community, you may make assumptions that are wrong.  Forgive yourself.  People usually can tell the intention of another person and in so-doing, will be gracious in your efforts.  So, go ahead and laugh.  It makes for a great story for later.  And as a teacher…well, sometimes methods won’t work, or you’ll say something, and the students will take it in the wrong direction (especially junior high and high school students).  Allow yourself to blush, and move on.  It’s sometimes in these moments, when you allow yourself to laugh, and do so in front of your students, that they may be able to learn that not everything in life has to be a bore or so serious.  It’s in these moments that we can teach our students that there is a way to move on from mistakes.  Plus, as stories go, they will be able to come home with stories from school that they will remember for years to come.

#3.) Be flexible.  I am one of those people who likes to have a plan and stick with it.  When a lesson took longer than I expected, or would like to, it inwardly had bothered me.  However, there are school assemblies, and sporting events, and snow days, so some days don’t follow your personal schedule.  Breathe.  Realize that there is another day, and your students still can learn.  You’ll get back to your schedule.  Truth is, you may have to re-look at what all you are wanted to teach, and edit it out the extreme detailed portions, but it’ll usually work out.  Focus on the main thing, and that is for students to have life-long lessons. 

#4.) Students are teachers too.  I learned this lesson, because my students were the main resource where I learned more about the community.  But furthermore, they taught me a lot of other things.  They taught me how to listen more.  Sometimes we as teachers try to act like we have all the answers to the world, but sometimes we need to learn to listen.  Kids are intuitive.  They observe more than what they can express, understand more than what they usually will let on.  If we as teachers are willing to learn from them, we are able to model a) what it means to listen, and the importance of doing so, but b) it shows our students that they have something worth saying.  There were plenty of moments where my students came out with comments and questions that I originally never thought of, and it made the learning experience all that more relatable and fun for students.

#5.) It is important to build on the positive.  This was one of the most important lessons I learned this year, and I am still learning to apply it to my life as an individual and as a teacher.  It is so easy to harp on the bad; to continue to reiterate the need for correction.  But where does that leave room to know our successes?  I remember moments that my students complained that I wasn’t respecting them; and I finally looked up the word.  It meant to put someone in high honor.  My kids wanted to know the good inside of them!!  There is a saying that for every negative, seven positive things need to be said.  I want to be more intentional about pulling out the good in people.  No, this doesn’t mean that I let misbehavior go, but while I am correcting students, I also need to be mindful (#6 Be intentional) that as much as my students may be showing the ‘bad’ side to them, they also have a good side.  After all, teachers are meant to pull out the gold.  Everyone has some.  The ticket is to see it. 

I also had to learn this lesson on a personal level.  There were several moments where I went home crying (confession alert!), wondering what I was doing wrong, why I wasn’t able to connect.  I asked myself if I was that bad of a teacher, and if I should just quit.  As I said at the beginning of this entry, I was often reflecting on the negative.  Unfortunately, I focused to the extent that I sometimes lost sight of the good that was really in me.  It took a while to finally see the true me again in the mirror.  I finally saw the good in me, and realized that there are things of me that are needed in this community I taught in for a year.  When I finally realized that, I started to grow a bit of a backbone, and in a way, fought for myself against anything that had put me down.    

#7.) There are talents I can use to help my students and community.  On a second note of building on the positive, I needed to recognize the good things I have inside myself, and be confident in them. Things that remained dormant growing up became wanted in encouraging my students and town.  For example, I took photos of my students playing sports, and showed them off in class.  It was a great opportunity to show how proud I was of my kids (yes, my kids!), and for them to relive memories.  Since our school didn’t have a choir, I was able to use my voice to represent our school while welcoming the incoming teams. What’s amazing about teaching in a small town is that, as distant as I felt that I could be from the community, I was still a part of them.  I would laugh at jokes, talk about life, and mourn with them when there was a loss.  I wasn’t just a teacher.  This was my town.  And this was my people.

#8.) It’s okay to make mistakes.  It’s okay to have tried something, and not see it work out.  As teachers, we are always trying to find new ways to make the subject matter encourage engagement.  Sometimes it works like a homerun.  Other times it’s an unfortunate strike-out.  I read somewhere that true failure comes when we decide to not get up.  So, in this year, I learned to not give up!  Keep dreaming, keep having ideas, because they will prove to be effective in the long run.  Thinking about it, different methods catch the interest and understanding of different students.  You can try hands-on methods for your kinesthetic learners.  However, not all students learn that way.  Some learn more on a verbal basis.  As teachers, we want to be able to find the means of integrating different understandings to make a well-rounded lesson.  Nevertheless, the key to this is knowing that it does take time.  We do have a degree, but every year, there are new kids, new classrooms, with different personalities.  So, even master teachers are constantly learning how to make their classrooms more effective.

#9) I won’t be able to reach every student.  I think this was the hardest lesson for me to learn.  I knew that I was coming to a hard place to teach, but I still desired to make a difference in my classroom and in my community.  Looking back, I didn’t get along with every student.  I had wished I did.  Somehow I wonder if that would have made class a lot easier this past year.  Which is ironically not the goal as a teacher; I am not trying to be popular.  But I think at the beginning of the year, I wanted so much to be liked – as if that was the indicator that I was a good teacher. 

Not necessarily.  Different teachers have different personalities and teaching styles. There were some of my kids who just couldn’t wait to get out of my classroom, and if you ask them, they didn’t learn a thing from me.  It’s a bit disheartening, to be completely honest.  To want to reach 100% of the students in your class is a great goal.  And I hope that whenever I am in a classroom, or working with students in any other way, I aim to reach every child.  I didn’t want anyone to fall through the cracks.  And I tried SO HARD for that to not happen.  I couldn’t bear the thought that I may have failed one of my student’s education.  And I hope the teacher that succeeds me, at the school I taught at, will be able to do more with my kids than I ever was able.  That being said, if I determine my worth or ability as a teacher, then I will only defeat myself.  I must aim to do my best.  But success is not merely measured by the kind of grade that a student earns (side note:  I do admit that grades are an assessment of students’ understanding, and there are those times that a teacher has to reconfigure what to do to better teacher…another subject for another post), or how great one gets along with their students.  Success may be measured in seeds where a student may take one thing and think about it for the rest of their lives.  After all, learning is a life-long endeavor.

#10.) Every student is worth the one to reach.  Now, just after I admitted that I couldn’t reach every student, I am about to make an ironic statement.  I still want to reach out to every single one.  This was a hard year, and a lot of the students made personal jabs at me, and try to hurt me verbally.  And yes, it sometimes worked.  One of the other teachers had pulled me aside and asked, “After all the [crap] they put you through, and if you are only able to reach one student, is it really worth it?”  I thought about her comment, and continue to do so.  I have to reply, “Yes, it is worth it.”  As I pointed earlier, every student has gold inside of them.  Even the ones that make it hard to find.  I need to be actively searching for those good things, and pulling it out so that they can be encouraged that they can make a difference themselves.  It is all worth the struggles and the questions if I can get one student to start expanding their worldview, wonder how they should address the issues that comber up the its conscience, and plan to make an active change.

            These are ten lessons I learned this year, yet I still wonder about how I might reply to a question that was proposed to me by a colleague of mine.  He told me that in understanding if you are in the right place to teach, you must ask yourself three questions.  “Are you effective?  Are you willing to work?  Are you the one?”  There were loads of times that I wondered how effective I was.  Days were often filled with me trying to discipline more than teach, so how much learning did my students actually obtain?  Willing to work?  Well, I believe that I worked more than what was needed, so I got that checked off.  Am I the one? 

            What was a white girl from a city doing in a place like the reservation?  And classroom management?  Sometimes I felt like it was a joke.  Everything I tried didn’t work.  Every method I learned about in college fell short in some manner at some time.  College didn’t prepare me for the struggles that many of my students would be dealing with, so at night, I often wondered how I could encourage them in life and in education.  Am I the one?  Sheesh.  What kind of question is that?

But…But in the recent weeks leading up to the end of school, I reflected on the certain notes and events during school where I believed my students commented or did something that reflected learning.  Like the times where a couple of my junior highers mentioned that they HAD learned something.  Another student was grateful that I tried to teach their culture, according to the school mission statement.  Was it a 100% success?  Not really.  I still have a lot to learn, but I did try to have reflections on the native culture.  There were times where I related the history we were learning in class to modern-day events (such as the Middle Age Crusades to one reason why modern Muslim extremists are ticked off.  The kids loved it!).  There were students who came to me for help, personally. In my freshman class, there was one particular young lady who constantly wanted to understand why nations act the way they do (who knows if she will become a future journalist). 

I also reflected on how students trusted me.  One student had constantly told me nasty things, and I wouldn’t have it.  But when there was one day that she genuinely was hurting, and I just sat down by her.  After that, she then would stick up for me if her classmates were not listening.  There was a set of brothers, and they constantly fought.  One day, the younger brother came running to me (to ME, even though there were other teachers around the lunch-table) scared after he punched his brother in the forehead.  Why would he have made the effort to go around the table (where it would’ve been easier and quicker to get a teacher right at the end) to see me?  He trusted me, and wanted me to help me.  I must’ve done something right with these kids.
      I think one of the most profound moments as a teacher this year, was the moments that my students related knowledge and applied it to their lives.  On my first culture day, I decided to talk about identity.  The aim was understanding that often there are certain stereotypes about Native American tribes, and sometimes negative ones at that.  The goal of the class was for students to remind themselves of the good things about being part of the tribe they were in.  I used myself as an example, and I listed a few mean things I heard/believed growing up.  Even before I got to the point of crossing out the negatives and writing down the positives, one of my students (who was taking notes for me) already started crossing them off and writing the positives!  She already caught on the importance to build people up!!  

As a history teacher, I can want my students to know every single event in the world, and the dates, and other details.  But in all honesty, my goal is for my students to be able to read better, write better, speak better, think more broadly about the circumstances that surround them.  It is worth the struggle, the long hours, the work on how to better communicate lessons if it means I am able to help at least one (though, I still hope for more) child to be attentive to their worlds- wherever life may take them, and make it a more positive place for the present and future.   

Sometimes success is measured in climbing mountain peaks.  Other times, it is measured by planting seeds.